Episode 5
Embracing Change with Aman Zaidi
In this episode, host Serena sits down with Aman Zaidi, a leadership and executive coach focused on organizational transformations, well-being, and education. They discuss the meaning of resilience, the importance of community, and how acceptance and adaptability play crucial roles in personal growth and professional success.
Transcript
Learn that everything is impermanent.
Speaker:Your current situation is impermanent.
Speaker:Your current mood is impermanent.
Speaker:Your sadness is impermanent.
Speaker:So is your joy, your sickness is impermanent and so is your health.
Speaker:Everything will change
Speaker:Today I am really happy to have here with us Aman Zaidi, leadership
Speaker:and Executive coach, who focused on
Speaker:leadership and executive coach, who is focusing the attention on organization
Speaker:transformations, wellbeing and education.
Speaker:Thank you so much Aman, to be here with us.
Speaker:I'm looking forward for our conversation and my first question
Speaker:is, what does I'm back mean to you?
Speaker:It's an interesting question.
Speaker:Um, Serena, I think, uh, I have a strange relationship with the term, I think.
Speaker:Because, uh, as a person, I have always been, uh, more focused on,
Speaker:uh, you know, what's ahead of me than on, you know, what's behind me.
Speaker:So I'm not really very focused on the past.
Speaker:Uh, and, uh, therefore I don't remember in my adult life, uh,
Speaker:thinking about going back somewhere, for example, around 10 years ago.
Speaker:I was speaking, uh, to a therapist, uh, because I was struggling with some
Speaker:anxiety and I mentioned to her that I wanted to go back to being the same
Speaker:carefree person that I used to be.
Speaker:And, uh, she told me something to the effect that, among
Speaker:your life is different now.
Speaker:Uh, you're a parent, uh, you're a father.
Speaker:Now you're going to have some natural parental anxiety.
Speaker:There's going to be some job anxiety.
Speaker:There's going to be some maybe social anxiety in certain situations.
Speaker:Uh, some of that anxiety is actually helping you to become a better father.
Speaker:So you are never going to be the same person.
Speaker:You're going to be a different version of you.
Speaker:So in a sense, going back is not as desirable as moving forward.
Speaker:Uh, at least in my head, uh, I'm not as, uh, nostalgic as other people may be.
Speaker:I tend to inhabit the present moment.
Speaker:So I don't know if, um, you know, that makes any sense, uh, whether that was
Speaker:the answer you're looking for Serena?
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:And I'm really curious about the different version of yourself.
Speaker:How can you find this new version of yourself, especially if,
Speaker:uh, you are transitioning or you are transforming yourself?
Speaker:Uh, well it's, I think it's a process of discovery and it's
Speaker:also a process of acceptance.
Speaker:Uh, often we are very attached to our, uh, past version.
Speaker:Um, you know, like I am, a part of me is very, very attached to
Speaker:the, uh, youth version of me.
Speaker:The youth version of me was, um, you know, really carefree, did not have even a shred
Speaker:of, uh, anxiety except maybe when I had to go up and speak on stage and before exams.
Speaker:Those were the two only associations, only two associations with anxiety that I had.
Speaker:But, uh.
Speaker:You know, adult life is different.
Speaker:You know, you have so many responsibilities, you're juggling
Speaker:much more, you're sleeping less, you're playing less.
Speaker:So, uh, as a result of that, uh, you know, your life is different.
Speaker:And I guess part of it is accepting that my life is different now.
Speaker:I am at a different phase now.
Speaker:Uh, you know, in 10 years time my body will be 10 years older.
Speaker:Uh.
Speaker:You know, hopefully, God willing, it'll be a fit body, but it may not
Speaker:be, you know, because a old age can affect everything from bones to muscles
Speaker:to hearing, uh, and, uh, eyesight.
Speaker:You know, my, my specs for example, as I've grown older, I have needed to
Speaker:switch from a normal glasses that I used to wear to progressive glasses.
Speaker:Now, it was a little irritating to adapt to that, but at some
Speaker:point, you've gotta say, okay.
Speaker:This is part of the aging process and I have no option, uh, but to adapt.
Speaker:So you, you tend to adapt you, uh, and I guess that's what's, uh, you know, a
Speaker:big part of, uh, accepting that you're aging or accepting that you're different.
Speaker:Uh, so acceptance I think plays a big role in it.
Speaker:And uh, yeah,
Speaker:I'm hearing acceptance and adaptability.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:And these are two really powerful words for me.
Speaker:I struggled with them quite a lot.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Do you think it takes courage to accept and to adapt or what?
Speaker:Can be helpful to really accept that you are no longer the same person,
Speaker:no longer the same professional.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:I think, uh, part of, uh, this is also society's fault, Serena,
Speaker:because, um, you know, society tends to idolize, uh, the perfect.
Speaker:Society never prepares individuals for the fact that change will happen.
Speaker:I think the one very remarkable individual in history, um, that
Speaker:talked about, uh, the omnipresence of change was, uh, was Buddha.
Speaker:And, uh, I think his message to the world and his, uh, practice that he recommended
Speaker:for, uh, people was also that look, learn that everything is impermanent.
Speaker:Your current situation is impermanent.
Speaker:Your current mood is impermanent.
Speaker:Your sadness is impermanent.
Speaker:So is your joy, your sickness is impermanent and so is your health.
Speaker:Everything will change and, uh, we unfortunately do not.
Speaker:Teach that to, uh, people.
Speaker:We don't teach that to kids.
Speaker:We don't teach that to adults.
Speaker:When do people learn this?
Speaker:They learn it once they have a crisis and then they have to work with a
Speaker:therapist, or they need to work with a, with a very skilled coach because
Speaker:very frankly, coaches also, uh, focus, uh, a little too much on, uh.
Speaker:On the business side of, uh, coaching or, you know, fixing the problem rather
Speaker:than addressing, uh, the attitudes of the individual that may be getting in the way.
Speaker:So if you're lucky and you find a great coach or a great therapist, or you
Speaker:find a good, um, good guru, if you can call it that, uh, then you may find
Speaker:that, okay, I must learn to accept, uh, that change is, uh, going to happen.
Speaker:You can make peace with it.
Speaker:So, uh, yeah, I think the answer is really, is looking at what are the things
Speaker:that society is trying to push on us.
Speaker:It, it's constantly pushing this super woman of Superman version,
Speaker:uh, that, uh, they want us to case, and, and we know that's mythology.
Speaker:I mean, whether it's, uh, modeling, uh.
Speaker:Or it is, uh, you know, business media, um, those, those are actually images,
Speaker:uh, they're touched up and doctored.
Speaker:Uh, they're not telling us the full picture.
Speaker:Uh, so yeah, I mean, I think our challenge is stemming from the fact that we are
Speaker:not questioning the narratives that have been fed to us, and we are not
Speaker:looking at the true nature of life.
Speaker:I totally agree with you, and I'm also, uh, trying to reframe for myself, um,
Speaker:the images that I have in my hand in a different way, that I are more aligned
Speaker:to who I am and not so much on society.
Speaker:Do you have any advice on.
Speaker:Finding a way to reconnect to who you are, what you really want to do, and
Speaker:what is the best decision for yourself?
Speaker:I think yes, uh, my experience, uh, Serena not only with, uh, you know, my
Speaker:own personal experience, but also with the people that I coach, uh, and I work with.
Speaker:It has been that feelings, uh, are a great, uh, source of information.
Speaker:I'll give you an example.
Speaker:When, uh, I switched my career, uh, in 2010 to 15 years ago, uh,
Speaker:the driving force for that was that I was not feeling satisfied in my
Speaker:current, uh, career or at that time.
Speaker:Mike.
Speaker:Current career.
Speaker:Career.
Speaker:And, uh, I had to sit down and ask myself, why aren't you feeling happy?
Speaker:Because you've been in this line for long.
Speaker:You have gained, uh, you know, all the things that people value,
Speaker:promotions, money, uh, all of that, and why you still not satisfied?
Speaker:And as I thought about it, as I analyze that feeling of dissatisfaction.
Speaker:I found that, uh, the activities that my role wanted me to focus on, uh,
Speaker:were not giving me any reward, any joy because they were activities that
Speaker:were not contributing to human beings.
Speaker:They were contributing to, uh.
Speaker:Bottom lines, they were contributing to top lines and metrics and all of that.
Speaker:But I found that it was, uh, more meaningful for me to make a difference
Speaker:to another human being's life.
Speaker:If I could coach somebody, guide somebody, train somebody, if I could help them
Speaker:become more successful, if I could, uh, help them become more confident, if
Speaker:I could help them get promoted, those are the things that brought me joy.
Speaker:When I realized, uh, that there are some things that bring me joy
Speaker:and there are some things that will bring me meaning, and there are some
Speaker:things that bring me dissatisfaction.
Speaker:Uh, that's it told me a little bit about who I was.
Speaker:As a person.
Speaker:As a person, I cared more for human beings than inanimate things.
Speaker:And that was my process of discovery.
Speaker:So it started out with the feeling of dissatisfaction.
Speaker:And that inquiry and reflection actually led me, it gave me a clue
Speaker:as to what I valued, maybe my values.
Speaker:So, you know that, that deep dive into our feelings, uh, our.
Speaker:The discovery of our values, uh, that is kind of peeling the layers
Speaker:away to understand who you might be.
Speaker:Am I answering your question?
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:And I also think that it's, um, a work connected to redefining
Speaker:what success means for you Yeah.
Speaker:And what career growth means for you.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker:It, it's important to.
Speaker:Ask ourselves, okay, to me, what is success?
Speaker:And again, we need to think outside the box of society and all the ideas
Speaker:that we have about what is success, what, what you need to do, uh, what
Speaker:are the expectations, et cetera.
Speaker:You have experienced also relocation from one continent to another continent, right?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Anything that you want to share about your experience dealing with, uh, different,
Speaker:uh, maybe culture, work environments?
Speaker:Anything that you want to share about that?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Uh, I'd be happy to.
Speaker:I actually am, um, having a pretty decent time with, uh, the relocation.
Speaker:Uh, I think, uh, living in, uh, Portugal for the last, uh, you know, a year
Speaker:has, uh, has been very interesting.
Speaker:Uh, Lisbon is, uh, is a very nice city.
Speaker:It's, uh, not overly crowded.
Speaker:It's a big city.
Speaker:It's a capital city.
Speaker:It's got great infrastructure.
Speaker:It's, uh, it's very walking friendly, cycling friendly.
Speaker:Uh.
Speaker:Some mix of urban spaces with natural spaces.
Speaker:It has a 2,500 acre forest in the middle of the city and many parks.
Speaker:So, you know, very livable, uh, you know, decent weather except, uh, in the
Speaker:summer where it can be quite hot and in the winter when it can be both cold
Speaker:and rainy, except those little spots.
Speaker:So, and, and the people are really, uh, friendly and welcoming as well.
Speaker:So in that sense, uh.
Speaker:I think having chosen a place that is welcoming and friendly, uh,
Speaker:seems to have been a good thing.
Speaker:And I think the relocation has helped, you know, uh, in that sense.
Speaker:But, uh, there are other things that require adaptation, uh, and
Speaker:that only happens when you go and, uh, do things in the city.
Speaker:I remember when I was still new here, I, uh, boarded the bus in Lisbon from the.
Speaker:From the rare, uh, entrance and the driver got really annoyed and he actually
Speaker:asked me to get off the bus, and I was like, wow, that was really rude.
Speaker:But, uh, but the thing is by doing, uh, you know, by going by buses and
Speaker:making that mistake is how you learn.
Speaker:Okay?
Speaker:Uh, you don't take the rare entrance, you actually take,
Speaker:get on using the front entrance.
Speaker:That the back entrance is only for exit.
Speaker:So by engaging, uh, with the city, with the people, with professionals,
Speaker:by doing work, having meetings, that's how you learn about it.
Speaker:Or you, you can't lead a sheltered existence.
Speaker:You have to expose yourself to the elements, and you can't get offended.
Speaker:I mean, yeah, that driver was rude.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:I mean, it was one incident, you know, maybe a. That happens in every place,
Speaker:even in your home country, you'll have encountered, uh, rude people.
Speaker:But, you know, to me, those are all experiences that have the
Speaker:potential to teach us about what to do differently next time.
Speaker:And that's what, that's what adaptability is.
Speaker:You know, you spoke about that earlier.
Speaker:So, uh, and you know, we, we must, uh, keep trying.
Speaker:I think I must also point out that, um.
Speaker:You know, you, when you move to a new place, you have to, uh,
Speaker:recognize that in the old place people knew you, they knew your work.
Speaker:You had, uh, trust, and you had a brand name, and that actually
Speaker:gave you work and opportunities.
Speaker:When you move to a new place, you actually leave.
Speaker:All of them behind.
Speaker:And in the new place, it doesn't matter how many years of experience you have
Speaker:or how much success you've had or what skill you have, people don't know that.
Speaker:So, uh, you kind of have to rebuild your social network.
Speaker:So you've got to get out and meet more people, as many people as you can.
Speaker:You've gotta offer samples of your work.
Speaker:You gotta take all opportunities, uh, to demonstrate what you can do.
Speaker:And, uh, so other people can get to know you and you can get to know them.
Speaker:You, you must reinvest in building your brand, all of those things.
Speaker:So it's, uh, it takes constant work.
Speaker:It takes patience, it takes optimism.
Speaker:Uh, it takes family and friends that are willing to support you.
Speaker:And, uh, you don't realize that when you're planning the change.
Speaker:But it is, uh, a much bigger change than you ever think it'll be.
Speaker:This is so beautiful to hear, and I'm wondering if you have a, a
Speaker:final advice for our listeners that maybe are struggling a little bit
Speaker:in coming back or going forward, as you said at the beginning.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I think, uh, I think I may have.
Speaker:Three, uh, quick points, uh, to talk about, you know, this whole
Speaker:act of coming back that you're talking about or moving forward.
Speaker:Um, I am hearing the word resilience in there, and I think resilience
Speaker:has, uh, two main pillars.
Speaker:One is you and the other is your community.
Speaker:Now.
Speaker:We are all given messages.
Speaker:Like we were talking earlier about society tells you don't
Speaker:give up, keep trying all of that.
Speaker:So, you know, that is good advice.
Speaker:Uh, but the advice that, uh, we are not given is that, uh,
Speaker:your community will play a big role in your resilience as well.
Speaker:So we focus only on one part of it, and that's why I think many of
Speaker:us may struggle with resilience.
Speaker:So we must keep trying, keep striving, never give up.
Speaker:We must also build or seek a community that is willing
Speaker:to provide us with support.
Speaker:Uh, never hesitate to ask for help.
Speaker:Go out there, tell your family.
Speaker:Tell your friends.
Speaker:Uh.
Speaker:You know, whoever you need support from your community.
Speaker:People that you know saying, Hey, this is what I'm struggling with.
Speaker:This is what I like helping.
Speaker:Uh, don't be afraid of being turned down.
Speaker:You know, many of them will be bus drivers that will want to throw
Speaker:you out for, but there will be many other bus drivers who will be very
Speaker:happy to help you and guide you.
Speaker:And I've met many like that as well.
Speaker:Uh, so don't be discouraged.
Speaker:Uh.
Speaker:If, uh, one person is not helping or has turned you down, uh, just keep at it.
Speaker:I think that's, uh, that's really, really important.
Speaker:And, uh, and always remember that, uh, feelings of, uh, dissatisfaction
Speaker:and feelings of, uh, struggle are really powerful because the
Speaker:impetus to change, the impetus to do something new, to shift careers to.
Speaker:Build a new product.
Speaker:All of that comes from dissatisfaction.
Speaker:So actually dissatisfaction is a really powerful thing.
Speaker:So if you feel dissatisfaction, you know, lean into that, ask
Speaker:yourself why you're dissatisfied.
Speaker:Uh, take some action, do something new.
Speaker:And uh, and you know, I just again wanna reiterate the.
Speaker:Community part because there's this researcher called Dr.
Speaker:Michael Ungar on resilience.
Speaker:His research is built on that, and he says that, uh, all his research has taught him
Speaker:that when people have come back, uh, or bounced back, they have done so because
Speaker:there was tremendous community support.
Speaker:He's, uh, talked about, uh, how people who are affected by the tsunami in Japan.
Speaker:Children who were and who had nobody to look after them.
Speaker:They bounced back, they went back to school.
Speaker:Uh.
Speaker:Made friends again.
Speaker:And the reason they did that was because Japanese society and
Speaker:government, uh, provided them a platform to, uh, you know, to go back.
Speaker:They placed them in the care of another relative and they gave
Speaker:financial and schooling support and all of that so that, uh, that
Speaker:community piece, uh, don't forget.
Speaker:And, uh.
Speaker:I remember that uh, many human beings have a deep seated need to help others.
Speaker:Uh, if you ask, you shall receive it.
Speaker:And I think that's what the Bible also says.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Thank you so much Aman, for this beautiful conversation.
Speaker:Thank you so very much, Serena.
Speaker:It's been a pleasure talking to you and uh, thank you for having me.
Speaker:Thank you for listening to this conversation and please feel free to share
Speaker:it with colleagues who needs to hear that.
Speaker:You can always find the podcast on all the platform and on.
Speaker:I'm back.work.
